I had a dream last night. Well, actually more of a nightmare.
In my dream I awoke in the darkness of my bedroom to disturbing noises coming from downstairs. I crept from my bed, grabbed my shotgun, and went downstairs. In my Living Room I discovered two men filling their sacks with my possessions, in between shamefully abusing the females of my family. Of course, I brandished my gun and demanded they cease their depredations at once!
They wisely obeyed my command, and turned to face me. "We both apologize. As we are plainly stealing from you and taking liberties with your womenfolk, it is only fair that you be allowed to freely choose which of us shall become your official thief and rapist for the next few years!"
We all know that nightmares and delusions often have a peculiar logic all their own, quite different from that of our waking state. So, their odd proposition didn't seem particularly unusual to me in my altered dreaming state. I sat down, rested my shotgun on my lap, and prepared to listen intently and impartially to their speeches.
The first thief stood before me and presented his case."If you select me to be your official robber and family violater for the next four years, I shall steal slightly less from you than my honorable opponent, and will sincerely apologize to your wives and daughters after I've shamefully abused them. Further, I swear that my ill-gotten gains at your expense will be shared with only a small group of my friends and allies!" Finished, the first intruder bowed and retreated to the rear of the room, graciously allowing his associate to present his case in turn.
"It is true," number two began. "I will steal more from you than my opponent. I may also permit myself more outrageous liberties with your wife and daughters. However, I do so solely because I have many more friends than my opponent, and my needs are therefore much greater than his!"
The second trespasser now likewise finished, assumed a place next to his comrade. Both men wore self-satisfied smirks upon their crooked faces.
I thoughtfully considered their impassioned pleas for a brief time, trying to decide between the lesser of the two evils with which I was plainly faced. As I mulled over my important choice, some measure of waking logic began to arise to the surface of my dream-addled brain. Uneasy questions sprang into my improving consciousness. Are these truly my only two alternatives? Must a free-man voluntarily relinquish the honor of his family, as well as the sacrifices of legions of his forefathers who died in defense of liberty before him? Finally, need he quietly and without complaint, surrender his hard-earned property to one of these two brigands as an inevitability?
I considered for a few moments more the risks of my newly-formed decision, before rising to my feet and delivering fatal shots to them both.
Even now as I write these words, I am secure in the belief that the Abyss welcomed their black souls with a much greater enthusiasm than I ever could have mustered.