Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely...
Thou art more lovely...
I am not a poet by nature. I'm infintely more practical and inclined towards unemotional analysis than the scribbling of romantic couplings. When birthdays and anniversaries roll around, you'll inevitably find me in the drugstore isle reading through the Hallmark cards for a suitably saccharin-sweet missive. However, please don't dismiss me out of hand as just another emotionally distant male automoton. I can indeed be persuaded to gush like a ruptured dam on certain select topics - 90% silver halves being one such example.
Yes, my shameful secret is finally out in the open for everyone including my poor suffering wife to view. Julia Roberts' chick flicks may leave me cold and bored, but a roll of 90% silver 1964 dated kennedy halves can make me swoon like a school girl. A TV news story about long lost lovers finally reunited will draw no sighs from my lips, but a handful of Franklin halves will cause my pulse to quicken and my face to blush worse than a shy boy receiving his first smooch from the girl next door.
Like many such examples, I believe my abnormal psyche formed during my pre-teen childhood years in the late 60's. I would gather my hoard of 90% and 40% silver Kennedy halves with my Franklins and stack them compulsively in my bedroom all alone. The coins shone with an unearthly gleam, reflecting the suns rays during the day and the moon rays by night. I would always keep my silver coins separate from the nickel/copper dimes and quarters, though I was never sure at that time the precise motives for the segregation. I guess I just thought it would be a heinous crime to mix my dignified lady silver coins with the gutter snipe, cheaply painted, streetwalker-like nickel/copper abominations.
Today as an adult I undertand the history of gold and silver as cornerstones of human commerce over the last 6000 years. I'm likewise much too informed about the runaway debt, inflation, and certain economic ruination coming our way due to the proliferation of fiat money in the US and around the globe. However, none of that knowledge is really necessary to comprehend the reason for my love note to my silvery paramours. As a matter of fact, all that is truly required to remove the government blinders from your eyes is to hold a 90% silver half in your hand. Feel the firm, stolid weight of the beautiful coin. Anyone following my instructions will understand my sentiment when I say this is the coin you'd be proud to take home to meet your parents. This is the lifemate that you'd be honored to call wife or husband.
Next, lay your hands on the new copper/nickel slugs that pass for dimes, quarters, or even halves today. Notice the world of difference? Of course you do! The coins of today are lies. They're nothing more than two bit working girls or unfaithful girlfriends from the wrong side of the tracks. Just turn your back on them for a minute, and you'll find them cheapening themselves with the first inflation and hyperinflation boy-toy that pops up. Even their silvery coating looks false and overdone - like a 45 year old cougar wearing pancake makeup in hopes of tempting some drunk sailor into a back alley for a quick, sordid tryst.
One day everyone in the world will have the blinders removed from their eyes and discover that their honorable wives and daughters (90% silver coins) have been replaced by low imitations that have stolen their wealth and left them bereft and penniless for some South American pool boy.